What would you do if you woke up this morning and you had two days left, what would you do? Spend that time with loved ones? Maybe take a quick trip somewhere? Do something you have always wanted to do?
In 2009, I had no earthly idea that after getting out of the hospital on March 16, that Heather would have 2 full days left before she entered the hospital again for the final time. We had just been in the hospital overnight with tons of tests had been run and nothing showed out of the ordinary.
Heather was in classes but she didn’t feel like going. She was tired and really still not breathing well. Bill had not quite finished his first year at Microchip; Jenn was working at Michael’s and Wendy was here with baby Snooks (Violet). Heather pretty much stayed close to home those two days. I made a huge meal of homemade meatloaf with all the trimmings including homemade rolls and Heather was thrilled to be at home for dinner and able to eat. I never dreamed that would be the last meal I ever made for her.
We did nothing special except Heather held a sleeping tiny baby Snooks that was 5 weeks old. She took some selfies of her and Snooks that we found on her phone later. I look back over those days and think “if I had only known.” we fell under the false sense of security that the tests since they showed nothing everything was alright. But we should have known that nothing about Heather’s cancer, diagnosis or treatment was normal.
March 19th I woke to find Heather on the couch with a high fever of 104.5. I panicked as I knew this was no good at all. Dr. Fastenberg did not believe me that her fever was so high and wanted us at the office immediately. Dr. F didn’t like what he saw and told us to go to the ER immediately but it would be about a 4 hours wait. On the way to Banner Baywood (about a mile from the doctor’s office) I called Gayle, clinical manager for 6 South. we waited maybe 10 minutes in the ER before Gayle came to get us and within 20 minutes Heather had a room.
While I know I should be thankful for the time I had with Heather, however those 33 days between March 19 to April 20, I would give them back. Every last one of them. I have horrors of images that no parent should ever have of their daughter.
The 10th anniversary of cancer is actually the ending of year 10 and the beginning of year 11. Same goes with her death. April 20 will be the ending of the 9th year and the beginning of the 10th. This year is the 10th Easter without her (being in a drug induced coma doesn’t count) the 10th summer, my 10th Mother’s Day etc. I have no idea where 10 years have gone. In the beginning I couldn’t imagine one year let alone 5 years and now 10 years. For the 2nd anniversary I crocheted 24 small bunnies a way to heal my heart. Then for the 5th anniversary I crocheted 6 daisy flower afghans. SO for the 10th anniversary I am crocheting 10 Comfort Shawls to give away. Somehow this makes me feels better if that is possible.