Time Marches On…

How can time move forward so incredibly fast while still moving slowly. My days turn into weeks and months very quickly now. Something I think happened last week actually took place several weeks to maybe months ago. Time marches on…

Grieving is the same way. Heather’s death and events involved with her death seem so close like they happened yesterday when they really happened 8.5 yrs ago. These events remain crystal clear in my mind and always will. Then it seems like forever since I have seen her, held her or heard her voice. It is a very cruel process. Time marches on…

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Jenn, Heather and Wendy, sister by heart right from the start.

Then the other side of this is it has been 8.5 years and so much has happened as we have moved forward. Some days I don’t feel like I have moved at all and other days I am so thankful I am not at the beginning of this journey. Those first few days, weeks and months were brutal and hard beyond words. But still here I am, trying to hang on but moving forward at the same time. Time marching on…fast and slow.

Our family has changed, grown, changed again and is slowly moving forward the best way we know how. Each holiday or family event has been happy but bittersweet at the same time. It is a vivid reminder of the one forever missing. Heather should be here for the very special events that happen in our family. Events and holidays come as time marches on…

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All us girls together when Ellie was born. Heather should have been standing in the missing spot between Jenn and Wendy.

In February, Jenn and Paz added Sophie Alice to big sister, Ellie. Sophie, Sugar Plum, has just sat right down in my heart. She has been a Mimi baby from day one. Sophie was a bit of a scary delivery and I was so relieved when she was here and healthy. She is the second daughter, just like her Aunt Missy, Heather, was. It seems that Aunt Missy kissed her several times before giving her to us. Sophie is a good eater, very advanced and seems to look like her Mimi actually. Sophie and Ellie are the loves of life and add so much joy. But, Aunt Missy should have been there and she would love these babies girls so much. My Sugar Plum reminds me so much of Heather. I went back in time instead of it marching on…

Then in June, Wendy added Fiona Claire to big sister Violet. This event was a bit harder as when Violet was born, Heather was here. Wendy being in labor brought back memories of when Heather was here, but when I looked around the room she was missing. She was missing to help with the pushing, gone not to cry when Fiona was born, she was gone to give a poochie lip when Fiona did. Fiona is the second daughter just like Heather, baby Fiona is fair skinned like her Aunt Missy. Time went back to when Violet was born instead of marching on…

The months are slipping away as Snooks, Violet, is 8.5 yrs old, Toodles, Ellie, is 3 yrs old, Sugar Plum, Sophie, is 8 months old and Berry Boo, Fiona, is 4 months old. Thanksgiving and Christmas will be full of babies and fun and memories made, but it will also be the very vivid reminder of the one forever missing. I know I have two daughters and four GRANDgirls, but I WANT the one not here. Heather cannot and will not be replaced by my other daughters nor my GRANDgirls. She is irreplaceable. My family helps and believe me these GRANDgirls are my heart and life, but I can’t help but think of how wonderful it would be if Aunt Missy were here to share and experience this too. But instead, time marches on…

Photo of Aunt Missy with baby Violet

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