Rabbit Hole

Becca : Does “it” ever go away?

Her Mom : NO! It changes. The weight of it. At some point, it becomes bearable and you forget about it for a while. But it’s what you’ve got instead of your son, so you carry it around”.

~Rabbit Hole~

“Rabbit Hole” takes its title both from Alice’s entry way into Wonderland and from a comic book produced by one of the characters, a handmade object that symbolizes the power of art not to heal, nor to console, but to offer a small, compensatory attempt to find meaning in anguish. The play and the film commit themselves to something similar, namely the project of giving shape and meaning to an awful, senseless experience.” (part of a review written by A.O. Scott)

Rabbit Hole was a movie released in 2011. It had my interest as I wanted to see if this was made to real life or just another Hollywood idea of what grief is like.  I can honestly say that this movie GETS IT. It is one of the best movies to portray the grieving of parents and the friends and family they lose along the way. At the beginning of the movie Nicole Kidman explains to her husband that things are not nice anymore…things will never be nice again.  This is not to say that for a moment in time I can not have fun or be happy. It means that once that moment has passed I am left with the hole in my life again.

In the movie, Nicole Kidman’s mother has lost a 30 year old son to drugs. The mother is many, many years into the grieving process. She describes the grief as a huge rock on top of you at first and you must crawl out from the under the rock. Then it becomes a brick that you carry around in your pocket. Some days it is easy to carry and other days it weighs you down to the point that you can not move.

There are no words to describe a mother’s grief. I try the best I can to share my thoughts and feelings with everyone. But the deep down emotions and the day to day things simply have no words or explanation. This movie is a brief look into a family’s grief. It was created by Compassionate Friends a group that exists to provide friendship, understanding, and hope to those going through the natural grieving process. If you are looking for laughs and a good time this movie is not for you. But if you would like to have an eye opening look at grief, the emotions and day to day life that are part of my world, then this is a movie for you. Take some tissues with you and honestly, it is not scary, or morbid, there is no death or funeral scene. It begins 8 months after the fact.

“There are things in life that change us and, once we experience them, there’s no going back. If we were to travel through time and meet the individuals we once were, it would be like encountering other people. Having a child may be the most transformative experience a person can experience. Losing that child is a close second. Parents invest so much into the care, nurturing, and upbringing of their offspring that, if the child dies, the resulting chasm seems bottomless. Life cannot be what it once was. Death is not a time machine that allows us to return to the carefree days of pre-parenthood. It’s a wound that cuts deeply and leaves a scar. It shakes the foundations of even the sturdiest marriages. People react differently to tragedy and, in the midst of grief, a mutual sense of intolerance can create a gap that can be intimidating to span.” (part of a review by James Berardinelli)

This movie I highly recommend for grieving parents or friends who would like to know what their friends are dealing with. It is an open and honest look at when grieving the death of a child is like. I still watch this movie and it still rings true to me 6 years after I first saw it.

Rabbit hole, released January, 2011 and stars Nicole Kidman, Aaron Eckhart, Dianne Wiest and Miles Teller. Rabbit Hole-the only way out is through…

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