A Simple Matter of Respect…

(Confessions of a Grieving Mother blog) October 20, 2015

RESPECT-is a positive feeling of admiration for a person or other entity(such as a nation or a religion), and also specific actions and conduct representative of that esteem. Respect can be both given and/or received. Depending on an individual’s cultural reference frame, respect can be something that is earned. Respect is often thought of as earned or built over time. Often, continued caring interactions are required to maintain or increase feelings of respect among individuals. Chivalry, by some definitions, contains the outward display of respect.

Respect should not be confused with tolerance:

Toleration is “the practice of deliberately allowing or permitting a thing of which one disapproves.

When it comes to the care of a loved one we as the family demand great respect. This is required from the time our children are born, beginning with the caregivers, to school teachers, to spouses, doctors and finally the funeral home and cemetery that we entrust our loved ones to in death.

While Heather was in the hospital many of you know that I called Falconer Funeral Home one afternoon and I spoke with Christian Timothy, the funeral director. I explained the situation to him and he expressed great sympathy to me and hoped he would not be hearing from me in the future. I picked Falconer Funeral Home because Beka, Wes and Diane’s daughter has been taken care of there. I had no other place in mind.

The day Heather died I called Falconer Funeral Home, very matter of factly, to explain to Christian that today was the day Heather would die. When he answered the phone I could no utter a word, tears filled my eyes and my voice would not work. Why, I have no idea, but Christian ask “if this was Heather’s mom!” It had been nearly 2 weeks since I had called him but for some reason he knew it was me. Falconer Funeral Home, with Christian, did not let me down in any way. They proved to have the upmost respect for me, my family and mostly for Heather. Every single detail was done right and with the highest honor.

I did not have Heather’s ashes buried right away and some 2 years later I thought I had found the perfect place with the upmost respect for the deceased and their loved ones that remained behind. I had dealt with a man by the name of Daniel, who really understood as he had a daughter died as well. I was treated very well and the management at Mountain View Cemetery was different than it is today. Had I known now the management that would be in place just barely three and a half years later I would have never considered burying Heather out there.

The cemetery over the past three years has given me great comfort and filled a need or void in my life that things were settles. It is with the greatest of sadness that Mountain View Cemetery has changed management and they leadership is not of the same caring compassionate nature that it once was. I found out that they were holding a Halloween Trunk or Treat event IN the cemetery. This event would have hot dos, face painting, a bounce house, hayride thru the cemetery and had out candy. To me this was beyond disrespectful and an event like this should never, ever take place in a cemetery. I reached out to the management and they told me this was “community outreach.” So I began fighting and taking this story to the local news and radio and began a petition. The amount of heat that the cemetery received was hugely not in favor of holding an event on the cemetery grounds.

After three weeks of living hell, beginning a petition and being on the local news and radio I am saddened so announce that as of Monday, October 12, 2015, my daughter, Heather, has been retuned home to me where she will be remaining till my dying day. We have parted ways with Mountain View Cemetery under very strained and stressful circumstances. The amount of pain and hurt they caused was totally unnecessary.

Cemeteries are places of reflection, remembrance and respect and I no longer fell these are qualities that I am willing to back down on and the cemetery is not willing to back down either. This has caused such an amount of stress and the hurt of loss is brand new again. The hurt and wound that was beginning to heal has had the scab needlessly ripped off leaving the wound one again fresh and new. It may have been 6.5 years, but the events of the last week had brought everything right back to the surface as if it was April 20th all over again.

An agreement could not be reached and I would not back down on my standards and ethics as to what I think is respectful. On Monday, October 12, Christian once again, cared for our daughter and helped in the process of getting our daughter, Heather’s, ashes were retuned to us. This was after a very stressful and unnecessary event took place. My fight for this is over and I have to be very careful about what I say to how about  what…..This was probably the second most difficult thing our family has endured. The amount of hurt this has caused was totally uncalled for. The vault got moisture inside and ruined all the treasures we had placed in there as well as the urn she was in. Everything had to be burned as medical biohazard. For now, she sits in a moldy plastic bag, inside another bag in a brown cardboard box. This is just unreal. Last Friday she was placed into her new resting home and I feel some peace for the first time in 3 weeks. Heather will not being going to another cemetery as I will not be able to trust them. I am currently looking to sell her plot. Holding a trick or treat event in a cemetery is like holding a haunted house in a funeral home…..

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